“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”
I have been reflecting upon this passage all weekend and I am still thinking about its implications. As a child I didn’t liked to be disciplined by my parents, it always meant I got caught doing something I should not be doing. A favorite memory is the time JC convinced a 1 ½ year old Hannah to “check how cold it was outside” (in the dead of winter) for us. She was only in a diaper and she put dad’s gloves one her feet and out she went. JC proceeded to shut the door and lock her out. Mom was not very happy with JC, Phebes, or me. And being the oldest in the situation, I was the one punished because “I knew better.” I don’t even remember what my punishment was, but I knew I never liked what mom or dad came up with.
Could I endure to the punishment, until the drawing of blood as Jesus did for me? I would like to think I could, but I know I can’t. It still amazes me the sacrifice that has been made for me, that I was worth the pain, I was worth the blood shed, and I was worth the death of Jesus; just to have me as God’s daughter. I am thankful for that sacrifice Jesus made for me, but as a Christian daughter I still struggle, sin, and must endure the discipline to make myself pure.
I have been thinking about how God disciplines and what it looks like. Is He disciplining me by testing my faith or is that Satan trying to pull me away for God? Is his disciplining in the form of the hardships I feel in my life, is it the sin I am burdened with? “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons.” I am a daughter of Christ, I endure hardship.
A hardship I have been dealing with lately really reared its ugly head last night when I went on my first walk in a week, the weather cooperated!! I am tired of others assuming what I am thinking, my motives for doing things, and my intent/reasoning behind the things that drive me to pursue what makes me happy. I am burdened by knowing people are judging and assuming my motives are not what they assume them to be. I have made some hard decisions and I know in my heart that God has been there through each step, guiding me so that I may glorify and fulfill His will.
I am burdened by how to respect the people in my life with what they assume, but also yearn for them to understand that God is in charge, I AM NOT. God is my driving force, He is leading me down the path he has placed before me. My prayer is that God will help me to help them understand that I am on the verge of great new beginnings that include them as well, but also it is my life and I need to live it as God has intended.
“…but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:10b-11 So yes God please keep stretching and molding. Please keep pushing my limits, please keep disciplining me so that I may come to know you more. I am your daughter and I know that one days I will be with you and all this hardship I have endure here will be worth one second of being in your presence and seeing your face.